A few days ago, I had the chance to attend my first sales/continuing education seminar. This one was on Helical Screw Piles (no, this wasnt the company presenting). Here are the awards I won at the aforementioned seminar:
Best Dressed (I was competing against a bunch of middle-aged, suburban white men... they didnt see me coming!)
Most Improved (Being the least experienced gave me a leg up, but I appreciate the nod toward my hard work.)
Runner Up for Best Question (My 'overturning' question was only overturned by the dude to my left who pulled out the brilliant one on 'unsupported column length.' Damn.)
Tightest Accessory: my watch (I recognize this is a gimme, but an award I won regardless.)
Best Choice of Drink: Iced Tea (Does no one drink sweet iced tea anymore? tragic!)
Most Eligible Bachelor (I'm pretty sure I won this by default, but I dont turn down the bling.)
Best Prepared for the Seminar (Apparently my close proximity to college reminded me that it was absolutely necessary to bring some outside beverage, a tea latte, with me. My boy Jordan at Latte Land hooked me up. It was excellent.)
Flyest Shoes (There was a quick, but heated debate as to whether shoes should count as a sub-set of the Best Dressed category, especially with my strong showing in both the Best Dressed and Best Accessory segments. In the end, it was decided, by a narrow margin, that Flyest Shoes should be it's own category.)
Sadly, I was not wearing shoes acquired from Habitat Shoes and therefore can't turn this post into a shameless plug for Habitat. But if you want to win similar awards in your context, I'd recommend going to Habitat Shoes and letting John & Kristen hook you up; they've got tight shoes. And tight other things!
4 comments:
Well, first and obviously, congratulations on your landslide victory. You should throw in the "most awards" award just to cap it off.
Second, this sentence from the company's website – "Thor Helical makes a comprehensive range of helical fixings..." – immediately made me think that my Thanksgivings Day feast was less complete than I had previously thought.
And now to the real meat of this comment. There may be an asterisk next to your admirable achievement! "a bunch of middle-aged, suburban white men" does not juxtapose well with "tightest" nor with "flyest." Have you run the actual award names through the Fresh Prince translator, or are you cookin' the books?
Nick, I appreciate your congratulatory remarks. Thank you.
I completely agree that the phraseology of said awards seems a little ironic due to the demographic represented, yet I don't name the awards. At least not until I take them home and place them on my mantel.
And, there has yet to be created a category for 'most awards.' If they create it, I imagine I could compete quite nicely, but until then, I can't win an award that doesn't exist. If I did, I would just be making things up.
kristen mcclain?
i know her from colonial.
and now i know what her shoe store is.
thanks.
i'm so confused. these were actual 'real' awards they gave out??? what kind of seminar was this thing!?! oh you engineers... :)
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