every once in awhile i sneak away from the office to have a quick coffee in the crossroads. wednesday was one such day. it should be every day.

i swung by my friend Kyle's place on friday before he headed to the airport for the Denver Beer Festival (Tyler... how was this not a part of your trip?). on my way out, he showed me part of his garden and asked if i wanted fresh cut flowers. of course i said yes. as i was thanking him for the beautiful gift, he kinda shrugged and said: "sure, you're welcome. but that's the cool thing about flowers: the more you cut them, the more they bloom."

i love it.

his words ran through my mind most of the day reminding me of Jesus' simple words: "it is more blessed to give than to receive."

i used to interact with those words in a sort of scoffing way: uh huh, sure Jesus, it's more blessed to give away gifts than to get them? ummm, disagree.

the funny thing is that the more i began to give to others, the more i realized the beauty and genius of Jesus' words. there is something about giving that is somehow better than receiving, which isn't to say that receiving isn't a wonderful thing. it is almost that in giving away our lives, our talents, our gifts, our abundance that our lives become more full. in giving, we ourselves actually receive.

sometimes that means we receive more stuff... cash or goods or time or whatever.
sometimes that means we receive more love & relational gifts... friends & opportunities & the like.
but honestly, more times than not, when i give myself or gifts away, what i receive is the simple recognition that my life is full. full of friends who i love & who love me. friends who make me laugh and laugh with/at me. friends that i am able to see most everyday. my life is full of opportunities and possibilities. full of dreams and hopes. full of possessions and a providing job. my life is full of a family who is present to me, who believes in me, and, even in my eccentricity & crazy path, thinks that what i am doing is important and good.

what i receive is the gift of realizing that i still have a lot to give. somehow in that moment of giving, portions of my life bloom. in their blooming, i again have the opportunity to cut some of the flowers and let them sit on the living room coffeetable of other people's lives, just like Kyle's are sitting on mine...

for the first time that i can remember, i am opting to purchase additional clothing rather than do laundry. i am rationalizing this action in that i really am in need of new said unmentionable items and my purchase will tide me over for the weekend thus enabling me to attend the Prairie Festival.

i have to say: i'm excited. the PF probably isn't my usual weekend event, but frankly i've been hankering for an adventure. something about driving a couple hours to learn more about environmental topics seems about right. besides, tonight... barn dance.

my only question: why aren't you going?!?

tonight, after the season premier of the Office (genius, per usual) and the pilot of Community (ehhh, it was fine), i walked down to DQ for a delicious butterscotch-dipped cone. i finished it on my front stoop. about halfway through, one of my neighbors came outside for a smoke break. for about 5 minutes we both took our breaks; he to smoke and me to consume ice cream (though there are some strong cultural assumptions, i honestly can't say which is more detrimental to the human body... or frankly, which is more uplifting). we both watched cars drive down Mass St. i thought through my day and realized how tired i was. i thought about how i wish i was in lawrence more and that i need to sit on my front stoop more often (i am currently, as i type this a bit later in the evening). i thought about how i've lived 200 ft from a Dairy Queen for 2+ years and i've only walked down a handful of times.

it reminded me of when i worked at a coffeeshop in the suburbs of kansas city. i was always jealous of my co-workers who got a break from serving lattes to soccer moms in giant SUVs to smoke a cigarette. as a joke, my friend got me a fake cigarette that even fumed fake smoke when you blew into it (yes the opposite of actually smoking, but hilarious regardless). at least once a week i would take a "smoke break" with them... just to talk, get out from behind the espresso machine, connect on a deeper level.

honestly, this is an advantage that smokers have, at least if they take advantage of the opportunity. built into their day is a space to take a step back and reconnect. to think and ponder. to evaluate and reassess. or maybe at the very least, to just be still.

i don't do that (and sadly, i dont know very many smokers who have achieved the zen state that my previous paragraph might suggest). rarely do i take breaks at work. last spring i was in the habit of taking my federally protected 15 minute breaks once or twice a day. i normally journaled or walked around my building listening to my iPod. but somehow i got out of the habit. there is something too easy about doing rather than being.

doing suggests importance or worth; by acting we shape who we are & prove ourselves to the world around us.

being just means that i am; the weight that i exert is silent, merely my presence. there is no proving, no important acts, no shows which somehow prove or bring validity to who i am. being just is.


i'm not certain that taking up the practice of smoking will necessary bring me to the peace & stillness i desire. in fact, it will probably do the opposite by creating opportunities for angst as my body craves nicotine. but i think that taking up the practice of small breaks throughout my day might bring me a step or two in the right direction. and probably more DQ on my front stoop.

when pop culture collides...

since moving to lawrence, my friends have been raving about the BANFF Mountain Film Festival. tyler even went so far to say that it was the "best thing lawrence has to offer each year."

personally, i get skeptical about such claims.

for the last two years i have been in oklahoma city during the fated weekend. i only know this because each year it falls on the birthday weekend of John, Kyle & Micah, and this year i am missing celebrating in OKC with them (sorry i'm not there fellas...).

and so, last night i went to the first of two evenings of the film festival. it was 3 hours of shorts & documentaries about amazing athletes pushing themselves to the limit of physicality while tackling some of the most challenging (& beautiful) natural obstacles of the world. i can't recall a time i have been so terrified to watch someone else risk all the while being captivated and inspired. on top of all the amazing cinematography & stories, it is one of the most engaged and active crowds i've seen as the entire theater would erupt in applause at successes and shudder at failures.

(I should probably at least mention the drunk guy behind us who kept screaming "whhhooooooooo" at the most unspectacular of moments while missing cheering for the dramatic feats...)

i'm not sure if i'll go back tonight, but only because a friend wants me to go check out the Huff n' Puff Hot Air Balloon Festival and that sounds pretty cool.

but, really you should probably go, if you're in the area. here's a little video to whet your appetite...

and yes, for the record, Tyler is right...

"Yeah. I was so desperate that I used roommates.com. Edgar from Macedonian. He's 32, doesn't speak much English and thinks we're dating."

~ nicole, my 3rd cousin, as told last night in answering the questions: "How's Chicago?"

I love stories that are so rich and full, and yet somehow only a couple sentences long.
...


Last night, I attended a wedding reception at the Hobbs Building at Feasts of Fancy (where Nicole's story was told). Love the West Bottoms. Hope in 5 years it's the next place where the artists have flocked & there's a steady stream of life & commerce going on down there. But right now, it's the urban wild west.