Who's Excited?

i am.

Risk...

'Concerning all acts of initiative and creation: There is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans. That the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves, too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manor of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would come his way.'

- W.H. Murray

He...

'Then a shoot will spring from the stem of Jesse,
and a branch from his roots will bear fruit.
The Spirit of the Lord will rest on Him,
the spirit of wisdom and understanding,
the spirit of counsel and strength,
the spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord.
And He will delight in the fear of the Lord,
and He will not judge by what His eyes see,
nor make a decision by what His ears hear;
but with righteousness He will judge the poor,
and decide with fairness for the afflicted of the earth;
and He will strike the earth with the rod of His mouth,
and with the breath of His lips He will slay the wicked.
Also righteousness will be the belt about His loins,
and faithfulness the belt about His waist.'

Isaiah 11

Identity…

Yesterday morning, I read the story of Jesus’ 40 days in the desert and His temptation there. In a new way, I realized that this story is deeply connected to Jesus’ baptism by John the Baptizer:

After being baptized, Jesus came up immediately from the water; and behold, the heavens were opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending as a dove and lighting on Him, and behold, a voice out of the heavens said, “This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well-pleased.” Matthew 3:16,17

Though unique expressions, what Jesus experienced in the desert was essentially one temptation… Jesus, prove that you are the Son of God:
If you are the Son of God… feed yourself.
If you are the Son of God… show the Father’s protection for you.
If you are the Son of God… take hold of glory and admiration.

During the last weeks of Rome and since I’ve been home, I've continued to run into the theme of identity. Mostly I observe some jacked up areas in my life (as tight as my puma’s are… they wont ever supply my worth). And really, it’s not too hard to see some broken areas in culture as well. I’m realizing the vast role that identity plays in how I (and we) live, and typically, it’s not a good thing. Rather than love and service and grace extending from the assurance of who I am, that I am, I constantly find myself trying to defend and prove myself.

I’m reminded of an essay by Henri Nouwen that I love. On the discipline of solitude, he says:

Why is it so important that you are with God and God alone on the mountain top? It's important because it's the place in which you can listen to the voice of the One who calls you the beloved. To pray is to listen to the One who calls you "my beloved daughter," "my beloved son," "my beloved child." To pray is to let that voice speak to the center of your being, to your guts, and let that voice resound in your whole being.

Father, would you speak to that deep place within us today… all the way to the center of who we are. Speak to us individually and speak to us together, as humanity. Remind us that we, like Jesus, are beloved by You. Reveal to us the places that we’re trying to use something other than You as our Source and Life and Worth. Amen.

Community...

'You can't control a community, you can only discover it.'

- Denise VanEck (Community Life Pastor of Mars Hills Bible Church)

Conferences...

Tomorrow morning, bright and early, I'm heading to Chicago for the 'Emergent Midwest Gathering: Creating Missional Communities' Conference. It is put on by the Midwest Emergent Cohorts group. I wish I was cool and could say that I'll be blogging from the conference... but let's just be honest, I probably won't!

For one, I have a hard time processing that quickly, and therefore I'd probably just declare my rants rather than anything intelligent or insightful. Secondly, I've never been to Chicago... like I'm going to spend extra time throwing down blog posts.

But, since I am going to this conference, I do think it is appropriate to share my #1 rule when attending conferences: the best part of conferences is skipping conferences. Possibly it is merely a juvenile desire to ditch school resurfacing, or maybe I just really want to chill in a coffee shop when I should be somewhere else, but when it comes down to it I just have to get away!

So, maybe ya'll will get a blog post, and maybe I'll hear some good speakers, but I definitely will be sneaking away for some coffee!


oh, and Chicago... any suggestions?

You Already Know...

I've had DeVotchka's 'How it Ends' on repeat for the last 3 weeks and can't get enough of it. It's haunting and beautiful, but more than anything, I'm drawn to the simple conclusion: you already know how this will end.

I'm struck by how often I trick myself into believing something will turn out differently than it obviously is going to... merely because I want it my way (which is better anyways). But, typically after a few tough weeks and asking again and again why?, the situations unfolds how it obviously was going to.

As I listen, I am reminded that despite my deep wishes and longings, oftentimes I already know what's going to happen. If I just create some space and clear my head I find that the situation was one way all along. I just wanted it to be different and tricked myself into believing that it was.

At the same time, there is a place for Hope in the human experience. Despite overwhelming odds and the facts staring us in the face, we still dream, we still believe that there's a chance for a different outcome. And the crazy thing is that it actually happens. Not all the time, but sometimes. When we least expect it. The underdog pulls out the W. David kills Goliath. Love triumphs over hate. There's something deeply real and refreshing about these dreams; almost as if, we're living a more full expression of humanity by believing they could be.

And so we live in a paradox, a struggle, between what is and what could be.


[Sorry for everyone who wants to listen; I had a difficult time finding a good recording online. I'm sending you to the Little Miss Sunshine MySpace page. Click on the link and then click on 'How it Ends' where the songs are playing. Crank up the volume and enjoy!]

All Things New...

Dont you love it when you discover something you've had all along but didnt realize it? Or maybe it just annoys the crap out of you because you've been missing out for so long!

Anyways, I took my video iPod to a new level while in Rome: VIDEO! Music Videos, TV Shows, Boise State beating OU in overtime... what's more to love!

(a special thanks to all who made this happen: to Tay for her insistence that Arrested Development is worth my time... and the 7GB to have all 3 seasons. to Zakariah for '24' season 5 & the Boise State game. Hey guys, remember that time we lived in Rome together?)

The Questions We Ask...

As I've started to re-enter life in the States, I've begun to ponder the ways we ask people to share their experiences. It's interesting how often we ask for answers, results, or conclusions when evaluating. We want the large realizations to be spelled out, and then we want to know what they're going to do with them... how do they affect your future? your understanding of self? the nitty-gritty of life like job, money, and relationships?


I wonder if this misses a profound reality. Isn't it in our questions that we find our deepest fears, and our richest dreams? Possibility, not conclusion, provides a far deeper examination into the soul. For our filters are not yet in place, and our fears and wounds still feel permission to join in on the adventure.


I'm realizing that much of my experience in Rome can't be explained in answer but instead in question. It's the questions that I now ask that are important. I can generally work with the realizations or at least press into them, but the questions force my time in Rome to linger. I can't ignore them or suppress them, so I face them believing that as they are worked out a foundation will be laid for life to come.

Home Sweet Kansas

After 36+ hours of travel, a sleepless night in London's Gatwick airport, 3 movies on my transatlantic flight (Breach, Freedom Writers, & 300... and I still had time for a few Arrested Development episodes on the iPod), and a wonderfully refreshing Starbucks Iced Green Tea... I made it home.


Needless to say, Im still adjusting. My thoughts while running this morning:
Why doesnt Kansas smell bad?
Wow, that driver just backed up to let me by... and smiled at me. Strange.
Where are all the people?
There's a lot of grass around here.
Kansas City isnt anything like Rome.


I think this might take some time. The good news is that I'm planning on continuing the blog, so keep checking back.


Oh, and here are some pictures from my sleepless night:



Our little alcove. Ashely defended our carts from would-be thieves.



Ashley watching 'Life as a House' around 4am. Why? WHY NOT!







Jess & Zak brought a blow up mattress, which I thought was genius and wanted to steal.



Micah brought a sheet. I brought a towel. You work with what you got!